I've learned that as strong and positive as I try to be, some days I'm still just going to feel broken... For the past month or so, I've felt a dark cloud approaching. I know that I should be elated that Reid has done SO well, and I truly am thankful for that, but I'm just not looking forward to his first birthday. I'm scared because I don't think I'll be 100% happy like I should be. It's back to the roller coaster of emotions for me...facing the one year 'anniversary' of the life of Reid and death of Jameson terrifies me. I can't tell you how many nights I've laid in bed thinking about my three children. I can't help but play the 'what if' game and I wonder if it will always be so. Bottom line is that I love my children with all of my heart. Reid and Cameryn feel that love each and every day. I think in a different way, Jameson feels that love too. *************************************** One year ago today, I was five months pregnant. One year ago today, I was given news that terrified me. One year ago today, my world started crumbling. One year ago today, I began a 22 day bed rest regimen. One year ago today, I looked into the eye's of loved ones and saw fear. One year ago today, I cried for hours - I've only cried harder once. One year ago today, my priorities shifted and the small inconsequential things stopped mattering. One year ago today, I still had a ray of hope for the possibility of Jameson's life. One year ago today, I began a LONG journey that has made me a stronger person inside and out. I sure have come a long way from where I was....one year ago today.
June 18, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
You are a strong woman and it is okay to not be happy at times and wonder the what if's.You have gone through a lot and have done awesome.
I think you are so amazing for getting through this year and being as strong as you have. I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you.
Post a Comment